Is it normal to lose your motivation after becoming a mother? The answer is a very resounding yes! Even though as a mother you know the greatest experience will be to grow a human, life feels so foreign from who you previously were and what your purpose was.

Sure, life still goes on, but only with added pressure and the never-ending list that comes with parenthood. Then how do you overcome this obstacle of feeling disconnected by who you are and what to do now? Let’s look at some possible reasons and how to overcome these feelings and find your sparkle again.

Reasons why you lose yourself and your motivation after becoming a mother

There’s a list of reasons why, after children, you no longer feel like yourself. They can range from birth trauma, relationship changes, the responsibility of raising a child and becoming a new mother, lack of sleep, and the drastic changes that happen internally and externally within one’s life after giving birth.

Feeling overwhelmed with new responsibilities is a big one for any new mother. After childbirth, you are then handed your tiny baby, and it is now for life. One day it was just you, now it is forever we. Babies don’t come with manuals on how to, and it is true that a baby is born, but so is a mother. Neither of you knows much about this new world.

I recall after my traumatic birth, how incredibly exhausted and emotional I felt. Then holding the responsibility of a newborn, without knowing how to and when to breastfeed, if the baby was eating enough, or if the cries were tired ones. It is not only mentally and physically challenging, but also emotionally. All while you feel judged as a new mum to keep it all together for yourself and your child. Not having much support can also be incredibly painful, and sometimes all the support you need is someone to tell you it’s okay to feel that way, or you’re doing so well as a new mum.

A woman experiences the most lifechanging hormonal changes after giving birth. Most dramatically postpartum, with estrogen and progesterone levels plummeting.

There is such a thing as depleted mother syndrome and although it is not recognised as a medical condition, it damn well should be.

And then not to mention, as mothers, we are the caregivers for everyone, we put ourselves last, and then wonder why we lose motivation. Honestly, the things that you go through as a mum and the changes that happen in your life are so big that it is a wonder that there isn’t more support out there. So, yeah, there are many reasons, and it is normal if you are feeling this way.

What Can You Do To Embrace A New You?  

There are many times when I feel like the days just melt into another, and nothing is exciting to look forward to. I often crave time and space alone, where I can just be in my own company and remember what it feels like to be myself again. Small moments to breathe and recenter myself and my energy. This is why time for yourself is most important. Some mothers don’t have the luxury of help or much time out. As a single mum, I can relate. So here is what I would tell myself, knowing what I know.

Let go of any pressure or expectation you place on yourself. As a new mother, I felt I needed to know it all and do it right. It is impossible, you cannot; you learn as you go, that is motherhood. Take off the hat of trying to be perfect, and what’s expected from society, and just listen to your intuition and body. You don’t need unnecessary pressure added to your equation.

Remember that this will pass. All of it, including the precious age your child is at then you will look back at nostalgic moments as a dream. This is not your life forever, and it is okay to feel overwhelmed with new things like the thought of going back to work or changing careers.

Listen to your feelings and acknowledge them. Being true to how you feel, letting the emotions surface, and questioning why you feel this way are all part of the process. Do not shut feelings out and think everything is fine, motherhood is hard. It is okay to vent or need some space, or get help.

Get help where you can, if it means having someone come over to watch the baby while bathing or getting a parent or sitter for a night out with your partner. Having extra help with cleaning or dinners, whatever it all adds up.

Realigning Yourself and Allowing Change

Make time for the things you are interested in. Being creative or moving your body, finding your new pathways, or things you have been wanting to explore. Parent Pathways is a program for parents in Australia that may help. It is common to want to change direction after becoming a parent. Maybe you feel like your work isn’t as important anymore or lacks meaning. Follow your interest by researching courses, reading or watching tutorial videos, and creating time and space for your new interests.

Spend time with friends; these people know you best. They can help with new direction ideas or support.

Engage in nature therapy, get outside, breathe fresh air, and move your body. This will contribute to blood flow and new energy, fresh ideas, and better your mood.

Swim, yoga, walk in the park, bike ride, whatever it is, soak up the sun and realign your soul.

There are many reasons why you can lose yourself after becoming a mother. But it is important to remember, life is short-lived lived and every moment is an ingredient for our next experience. What happens today can only motivate you for a better tomorrow. If you feel like it’s all a bit of a struggle, try some of these things repetitively. Start small and aim to do them for three weeks; you should see a difference, then keep reaching a little higher each time. If you are feeling down and in need of extra support, reach out to a professional for help. Various counsellors, parenting groups, or organisations such as PANDA can give you useful advice.

You’re amazing, for all the changes you have endured, and all that is yet to come.